LOL.
i know this is a little late to reminisce about 2006.
but i felt the sudden urge to blog it.
afterall, this is my blog and i suppose i can blog about whatever i want.

2006 was filled with bittersweet memories. Things that i gone through was both painful and depressing. It was one hell of a rollercoaster ride.
And now, i shall tell the horrible truth.
I was a self-multilator, let me emphasize on WAS.
There was a point of time where i felt my world was crumbling and i wished so hard that the lightning would melt my sorry existence. Yet, it didn't.
The whole thing began at home. and i was so sick of my life peppered with constant nagging.
At that point of time, he wasn't around anymore and i didn't want to burden my friends than usual. Then my dad scolded me for being irresponsible when i did nothing wrong. Everything at home felt wrong and depressing. and i started to do it.
slitting it like it wasn't that big of a deal. Blood dripped and i was happy at the moment of relish.
I guess i was too strange then.
I did not heed any of my friends advice and even a teacher told me to go counselling and yet, i didn't. I guess i didn't want to admit that what i did was wrong.
And i promised myself and my friends that i wouldn't do it again.
But i did. and that cost me my bestfriend.
It was the saddest thing ever cos she was the only one who know roughly what i was dealing with.
And with that, i realised that i was stupid and i decided to go to counselling.
All the drama was real in school. It was the first time i had an heated argument with sachicks.
i pulled myself through those rough patches and i learnt to love myself more.
and then, it started again, this time wasn't slitting but running away. just for a night.
and that was even stupider.
After the incident, i burdened myself with books and exams. tests that are coming up seemed so minor to what was happening at home. But i just had to think about something other than this.
things blew off and everything became okay but akward.
she's didn't talk to me and vice versa.
i guess things aren't going to be the same between us and it was too much of a wishful thinking.
and the incident made me realise that i really really love my friends.
and it was right of them to be angry at me. i started it with my stupid gesture.

I really really miss hanging out with the girls like normal. i really miss those moments before this happened. i wish, i wish, i wish that i wasn't that stupid.
TO THEM; I REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU GUYS LAH. THANKS FOR HELPING ME THRU MY ROUGH TIMES AND NOT GIVING UP ON ME WITH THE ASSURANCES AND THE ENCOURAGEMENTS. AND ALSO THANKS FOR BEING SUCH WONDERFUL WONDERFUL FRIENDS. sayang korg banyak-banyak. =)=)=)

"whatever it takes i'll make your darkest days go bright"
love, dhaii