The day I thought I`d never get through,I got over you
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Hello ♥
According to the dictionary
DHAIFINA DASRI
I'm so esoteric that you'd wish you never met me.
I don't think clowns are very funny and I don't think you should even care what's written here.
Airplanes, Dance, Poetry, Music, Novels, Sunsets, Peace, Starbucks, Shop, People-watch, Teevee, Laughter
Impulsive, Hotheaded, Nerdy, Blur, Sadist, Complicated, Unpredictable & Unhappy
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
(caution: this post is going to be saddening, to me that is)
so, F*** off if you think I'm being too emotional. Thankyou.
The start of this week wasn't pleasant.
I had been looking forward to this month, partly `cos of my upcoming sweet sixteen.
But things don't always go the way you want it to be.
It never does..
On monday [011007]
I know that my Grandma was sick,
`cos according to the doctor, she had little time left.
we went to her place on Sunday to break fast & she looked normal.
so, i assumed she was fine.
In school, I already had that peculiar feeling that something bad was going to happen.
Yet, i failed to pay any attention to it.
I even waited for Syaza and Felina to end their classes.
& even had a chat with Mrs Ramos, Fawwaz, Albany.
I wanted to go home even later, actually.
But i regretted..
I receieved a call at 4pm saying my Grandma was breathing her final breathe and my sister told me to come down asap.
I didn't bring money so i could not hail a cab.
ThankGod, the bus came on time.
I was praying i could reach there on time.
In the bus, my sister called.
She said it was too late,
that my grandma had passed away.
I cried on the spot,
i was overwhelmed by guilt and sadness rolled into one.
If only i had trusted my instinct.
I saw the signs, why didn't I trust them?
Tears just fell & I was even hoping my sister was lying just to make me come home quick.
When i reached my aunt's place,
in the room; there she laid.
Wrapped in white cloth and Kain Batik.
Her knees wasn't straight, it was bended & her eyes haf-opened.
She looked as if she was sleeping.
My heart ached.
The grandma who used to go around with an umbrella hitting people just because they haven't prayed was not breathing.
The grandma who would hold on to my hand tightly and never let go after she was bedridden.
The grandma who lived with me for five years was no longer around.
What saddens me the most was that i did not get to see her;
I read and read the Yasin, thats the only thing i could do.
Everyone was solemn. & we could only bury her the next day; which is today.
Tuesday[021007]
I didn't go to school today,
I told most people I was lazy but only a few knows the truth.
I don't wish to burden anyone anymore.
I woke up early just to reach there.
By that time, they were preparing to bath her first.
At first, i was quite okay,
up till the time they put her corpse outside to pray.
I wanted to burst.
Seeing my grandma there; liveless was really unbearable.
Everyone was practically crying and lucky, Haziq was there to support me.
When i kissed and hugged my Grandma,
her cold body made me want to cry.
I forgotten to seek forgiveness for any wrong I've done to her,
I never thought her day would come this soon.
It really hurts to see the person kafankan my grandma.
no words could describe.
we went to the cemetary. The best part was i rode in a Convertible.
Seeing her corpse underground and putting rocks and sand, covering her for good;
it hurts even worst.
I managed to pour the water and flowers over her grave,
she is now safe with God;
But i can't see her anymore.
Ya Tuhan, Ampunilah segala dosa nenekku. Cucurilah rahmatnya.
Tamankanlah kuburnya ke SyurgaMu. Kuatkanlah Iman keluarga kami.
Ya Tuhan, Letaklah Nenekku ke pangkat Muslimah-Muslimah yg Soleha dan Ibu/Nenek yg soleha.
Ya Tuhan, berikanlah Nenekku menjawab soalan-soalan dengan Lidah yang Fasih.
Selamatkannya dari Seksaan Api Neraka dan letakkannya ke Syurga dan mendapatkan Syafaat Nabi Muhammad S.A.W.
Amin.
To Fawwaz, Felina, Davin, Khai, Rauf, Amos, Gary & Regena.
Thankyou so much for helping me through the darkest period of my life.
I love you guys doubly much. <3
Fawwaz especially, i didn't expect you of all people to understand.
Thankyou so much for helping me out.
you're like truly a good friend. & i wouldn't know what I'd do without you.
To the rest of my friends,
its not that I don't regard you guys as friends;
But with O'levels and EOYs, I didn't want you guys to worry.
and with this, Grandma will forever be in my Memory, my Heart and My prayers.
I love you, grandma. :(