People don`t voice out their opinions or feelings.
As much as I am the black sheep and resident rebel, the main thing that I don`t do is voicing out my thoughts.
Well, I did once before and got a smack right in the face.

You may think that you know me.
But sadly, none of ya`ll ever do.
Ya`ll have always judged me for being a spoilt girl who gets whatever she wants.
But let`s define your "whatever", shall we?
Material goods, right?
Material goods are secondary to me.
It makes me feel happy for a while.
What I crave the most from my parents is usually their attention.
By which, I get it in the wrong way possible.
I get their attention when I disobey them.
Like running away from home, I only got their attention for a mere hour.
I`ve always wondered if I`m in the wrong family and my real family is just waiting for me.
I doubt they knew about my counseling days.
I doubt they even care.
I guess what matters the most to them is that I`m alive and outta trouble.
I get good grades to shift their attention towards me.
Being the 3rd child with another younger brother is tough.
My eldest brother has got mommy by his side and my sister is daddy`s girl.
My younger brother has got the affection of both being the youngest.
For me, I`m just the girl who is the black sheep and humiliation.
Now that my sister has got a FT job, its back to mom nagging at me but doing nothing.
My mom is damn funny. She nags at me but when I tell her of my plans, she just snorts.
As far as I am concerned, my parents never believed in me.
They gave me tuition because I wanted it.
I don`t remember them ever saying "its okay, as long as you`ve tried your best."
They`d just be happy when I come home with good grades and be mad when I come home with Fs.
You don`t know how hard I`d always try to get their attention.
When my sister was in Adelaide, their attention were focused on her.
When my sister calls, I don`t get a hello or salutations, I get fucked `cause she had to spend one hour to hear my mom talking about me.
My brother couldn`t care less.
All he cares is that I am alive and well.
He tells me to be responsible when he is just a bloody hypocrite.
They tell me that I am an expensive and spoilt girl.
Don`t they know that what I want the most is just the same treatment they get.
Each time, I try so hard to measure up.
To make them proud and not be overshadowed by someone else`s achievements.
I feel like such a loser.
For letting all these silly feelings get to me.
Five other people in a house is lively for some.
But, its never for me.
With my grandma gone and my bestfriend M.I.A, I`ve never felt so alone before.